The Joys of Being A Woman
by BurnedToAsh
Summary: King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table are in for the lesson of their lives. With the help of Queen Guinevere and maidservant Merlyn they learn of the Joys of Being a Woman. A series of one-shots varying in size and genre. Fem!Merlin. Diamond of the Day never happened.
1. Arthur and the Bleeding

**I know I should be working on my other Merlin story but this is stuck in my head. It will be a series of one-shots varying in size and genre. It's about the men of Merlin learning about the Joys of Being A Woman. **

**So for all the girls wanting to read about clueless men and boys looking for info or both I present this fanfiction. **

Chapter One- What's a Bleeding?

It was a completely normal day in Camelot. Servants bustling around corridors, guards gossiping like old maids. Nothing out of the ordinary. Except that certain king was about to learn a lesson from his maidservant, Merlyn.

"After you finish making my bed I need you to clean the floor, clean my armor, and then after lunch I need you to be at training." As Merlyn groaned, he smirked. "And since you sound so excited about your chores, you can also muck out my stables."

The said maidservant made her way over to the bed, grumbling. As Merlyn bent over to pick up a discarded pillow, she hissed in pain and clutched her lower stomach.

"What is it?" Arthur asked, a hint of concern slipping into his voice.

"It's nothing, Arthur." Merlyn sighed, adjusting the covers.

"No, what's wrong? Making a bed to difficult for you?" Arthur jibed, smirking. Merlyn slammed down a pillow and put her hands on her hips.

"For you information, _prat,_ I am just experiencing some bleeding pains." She answered, anger growing.

"Bleeding? Where? Are you alright? Do I need to go and get Gaius-" He was cut off by her bark of laughter.

"This is rich! Do you really not know what a bleeding is?"

"No...?"

"Did your father never tell you?"

"No...?"

"Not even Gaius? Morgana?"

"No, Merlyn! Would you please just inform me on what a bleeding is?" Arthur half-shouted, temper growing.

"Okay, okay. A bleeding is when a woman sheds a layer of the uterus lining-"

"A what?" Arthur asked.

"It's what holds the babe during pregnancy."

"Oh."

"As I was saying, "Merlyn continued. " When the lining sheds, it comes out of her vagina with blood."

"And it is painful?"

"Very."

"Oh, and it, uh, happens, like, what? Once a year or-" Merlyn let out another bark of laughter.

"I wish! A bleeding happens once a month and it lasts for about a week."

"Oh."

* * *

"Where's Merlyn, princess?" Gwaine asked as they sparred.

"I let her have the rest of the day off." Arthur answered, abruptly. He didn't feel like going into detail. "She was feeling unwell."

"Oh, is she on her bleeding?" Gwaine asked, dodging a blow.

"What? How did you know?" He asked, incredulous.

"Apparently, it is a scheduled time every month." The half-drunk answered before calling out to the other knights. "Oi!Merlyn's on her bleeding, mates. Be nice to her!"

The knights nodded awkwardly and returned to their sparring.

_Was he the only person who didn't know what a bleeding was?_

**Tell me what you think. **

**-Ash out**


	2. What About Equality, Arthur?

**I hope you all liked the first chapter. And for all those who dislike the fem!Merlin, this chapter is about Guinevere. **

Chapter two- What About Equality, Arthur?

They were having a meeting with the Knights of the Round Table. King Arthur was discussing pay with his wife, Gwen.

"We should raise the pay for the-" Arthur began, scanning a sheet of parchment.

"Wait a moment, Arthur." Gwen interrupted, a frown on her features.

"What is it?"

"What is this?" She asked, pointing to the pay of the maids in the castle.

"It is the maids pay, Guinevere." Arthur said, hesitantly.

"Now look at the male servants pay." She pointed to the other number.

"What is the problem?"

"Why does the men in the castle get paid more than the women?" Gwen asked, her tone growing. The knights heard what was going on and they grinned.

"I do not see the problem, Guinevere." He answered, not realizing what she was implying.

"Arthur what is the point of the Round Table."

"To show equality between the men-"

"Ah, right there."

"What?"

"You said, 'to show equality between the men.' What about the women?" Gwen scowled.

"What women?"

"Ooooh." The knights said in unison.

"WHAT WOMEN?"

* * *

The pay between the men and women of the castle was the same the next day.

**Tell me what you think. I for one was laughing my head off while writing it. **

**-Ash out**


	3. The Tale of Merlyn and Sir Andrew

Sir Andrew. Ruggedly handsome, smart, and a delightful person to be around. Or so he seemed. Gwaine couldn't believe this guy. He saw right through this _Sir Andrew_ but he seemed to be the only one. The other knights said he was being too protective of Merlyn. That's right, Merlyn. She had taken a liking to this _Sir Andrew_. As had he to her. Gwaine saw Merlyn as his little sister. She was only seventeen! How could she know who she loves? Well, Gwaine didn't like this one bit!

"No, Gwaine! I will not stop seeing Sir Andrew, just because you are being too protective!"

That didn't mean he wouldn't be watching this _Sir Andrew. _

And that is why Gwaine was staring out a window, watching Merlyn with her new man. They were walking arm-in-arm across the courtyard, laughing at something _Sir Andrew _had said.

"What are you doing?" A passing Percival asked.

"Watching Merlyn." Gwaine answered, not looking away from the window.

"Why...?"

"She's with her new boyfriend." Gwaine sneered. Merlyn had just pecked him on the cheek before walking into the castle, alone.

"Leave her alone. It's not your-" Percival began.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute!" Gwaine shouted, jumping to his feet.

"What is it?" The tall knight asked, walking over to the window.

"Look at Sir Andrew." Gwaine pointed. The knight in question was now talking to a pretty blond woman who was carrying a basket of fruit. She smiled up at the knight, giving him an apple. Sir Andrew gave her a kiss on the lips in return.

"I'm going to tear his lips off." Percival growled.

* * *

"I don't believe this Gwaine!" Merlyn shouted, hands on her hips. Gwaine was just trying to tell her of her treacherous boyfriend.

"I'm not lying, Merlyn!"

"He's not." Percival added.

"Not you too, Percival!" Merlyn sighed. "Look, I am tired of you being over-protective. I am seeing Andrew and you two will just have to deal with it. Now, if you excuse me, I am going to go meet up with him." And with that she glided away.

'C'mon, Perce."

"We going to go spy on this date."

"You read my mind, big guy."

* * *

As it turns out, Merlyn's date didn't have time to start. As Gwaine and Percival were hiding behind a tree, Sir Andrew was saying goodnight to the pretty blond from that morning. They were stretched out on a blanket, torches lighting the clearing.

"That scoundrel." Gwaine hissed, hand going for his sword. But before he had time to grasp the hilt, Merlyn came crunching over the leaves. Sir Andrew and the blond kept sucking each other's faces, unaware of the maidservant.

"Andrew I came a bit early because I-" Merlyn stopped, staring at the couple who broke apart abruptly.

"Merlyn I-" Andrew began, scrambling to his feet.

"Who is this, Andrew?" Blondie asked, grabbing his hand.

"Yeah, Andrew. Who am I? Just another one of your many girlfriends?" Merlyn shouted, stomping the rest of the way to him.

"Oh, no." Percival grinned.

"Girlfriend? I'm Andrew's girlfriend." Blondie said, letting go of the knight's hand.

"Well, so am I." Merlyn glared.

"Is this true?" Blondie asked, placing her hands on her hips also.

"Well, um, I-" Andrew stuttered.

"You gave me this yesterday." Merlyn held up her wrist to show a pretty shell bracelet.

"You gave me this today." Blondie held up her own wrist to show the same bracelet.

"How many others are there, Andrew?" Blondie yelled, ripping off the bracelet.

Merlyn didn't give him a chance to answer. She wound up her arm and punched him across the face. Andrew clutched his nose while Blondie gave him a swift kick to his groin.

"Goodbye Andrew." Blondie smirked, leaving the clearing.

"Hope that teaches you something about cheating, Andrew." Merlyn said, tearing her bracelet off also.

"Yeah it does." Andrew said angrily, holding his bloody nose. "Teaches me to not date wrenches who obviously sleep with the King."

"Why you-" Merlyn was silenced when the knight slapped her across the face.

That was the last straw for Percival. He rushed out behind the trees and slammed into the smaller knight.

"You guys were following me?" Gwaine nodded. Merlyn looked up at the knight who was surprised to see her eyes swimming with tears. Gwaine smiled sadly and held open his arms. Merlyn's face screwed up with emotion and rushed to the surprisingly sober knight.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you and Percival." Merlyn's muffled voice apologized.

"Not your fault, Merly." Gwaine said, looking over to see Percival dragging away the unconscious _Sir Andrew_.

* * *

**This one was a bit different from the others. If it wasn't clear, it's about women having to deal with "players" I know men do too but this is just for the sake of the plot. **

**-Ash out**


	4. Who Has It Harder?

"I wish I was a girl." Gwaine said, surprising the knights around him. They were helping a village transport produce. It wasn't something they would normally be doing but crime had been slow and this village really supplied Camelot.

"Why?" Leon asked, turning towards said knight.

"Then I wouldn't have to be doing all this hard work. I could just sit around looking pretty." He answered.

"Don't let Merlyn hear you saying that." Arthur laughed, handing Percival a sack of potatoes.

"Don't let Merlyn hear what?" The maidservant asked, as she rocked one of the villagers babes in her arms. The mother had experienced some problems after the birth and Gaius was tending to her.

"That women have it easier than men." Gwaine grunted throwing food onto the cart.

"How so?" Merlyn questioned, amused by his ignorance.

"You women just have to sew and clean, while us men bring home the food, work all day, and deal with all the hardships."

"Sew and clean? That's it. That is your opinion on what I do all day?" Merlyn pulled the baby's hand away from her raven hair.

"Well, that is what you do." Arthur reasoned.

"Oi! Gwen!" Merlyn called over to the queen.

"What is it?" Gwen smiled, giving her husband a hug.

"These men think that they go through all the difficult things of life while us women just sew and clean."

"Oh really now?" She asked, crossing her arms. "What about bleedings?"

Arthur blushed, remembering the conversation he had with Merlyn.

"And giving birth." Merlyn added, gesturing to the infant in her arms.

"And cooking."

"Can any of you sew?"

"Or clean?"

"This one can't even dress himself."

"Do you have breasts?"

"Do you ever get bloated."

"What about-"

"Okay, okay." Gwaine interrupted. "You women do more than sew and clean. But that doesn't mean that you can do the things we do."

"Oh, really?" The two women said in unison.

* * *

"Hand me a needle, Arthur." Gwaine said looking at the three-legged pants.

"I can't. Trying to figure out how to wash this apron."

"Percival?"

"Which one is a corset and which is a bodice?"

"Leon?"

"What in the hell is a broth?"

"Merlyn?"

"Sorry, too busy dealing with the hardships of life." She grinned, sipping at her ale.

* * *

**Those knights. Any ideas you may have please tell me. **

**-Ash out**


	5. Can't Even Go Outside

**Let's all just assume that everyone knows about Merlyn's magic. For the sake of the story.**

**_WARNING_-This chapter involves sexual harassment and molesting. There is no rape. Just a warning if it triggers something for any of you. I'd feel awful for doing that to people... **

**I do not own Merlin or any characters besides Sir Andrew, Blondie, and the man in this chapter.**

"Merlin, could you go deliver this potion to Lady Rachelle. She needs it for her headaches." Gaius asked, handing out a light blue potion.

"Sure. I'll collect some more yarrow when I'm done." She said, walking out the door. Merlyn was desperate to get out before he made her clean out the leech tank.

"Don't forgot to get mint!"

"Okay!"

* * *

"Here you are, m'lady." Merlyn greeted, handing the royal the potion.

"Shh..." The woman said, clutching her head.

"Sorry." Merlyn whispered, quietly shutting the door behind her. She quickly set off towards the forest, walking down the streets. Merlyn had just turned down a side road when a large hand grabbed her arm. A man pulled her into an alley and slammed her into a wall. Merlyn could smell the alcohol radiating from the giant of a man.

"Get off me!"

"But I looove yooou." The guy smashed his lips onto hers. Merlyn tried to just push him away but this guy was strong.

**"rhyddhau." **Merlyn gasped, sucking in a lungful of air. The man grabbed her once again. "Let me go!"

"You so pretty. I think... lovely you." The drunk slurred, groping her chest.

"Stop it!" Merlyn shrieked, hitting him. **"Stop gwyliau hon-"**

The man crushed their mouths together, smacking her head against the stone. He untied her headscarf and shoved it in her mouth. The man said something but she couldn't hear it over her pounding head and dizziness.

"I... mine." The drunk muttered, untying her dress.

* * *

At the same moment, Arthur and Guinevere were making their ways to the forest. They had planned a picnic in the clearing where it overlooked the mountains. Gwen beamed up at her husband.

"This was really nice of you to skip a day of training." Arthur smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Any thing for you, love. I brought some..." Arthur paused, his head tilted to the side.

"What is it?" Gwen may think he looked ridiculous but she had learnt not to doubt his instincts.

"Do you hear that?"

Guinevere stopped, listening hard. She heard... something. Muffled screams and moans.

"What- what do you think it is?" The queen whispered, worried.

"This way." Arthur muttered, setting off. He didn't want to interrupt his date with Guinevere but if a Camelot citizen was in danger, he had to help. They turned down a side street and would've passed the alley if Gwen had not gasped.

There was a naked woman, gagged and sobbing, her arms held above her hands and her dress lying over to side. A man was holding her in place, sucking and feeling her body. He had a knee between her legs, preventing her from kicking him.

"Leave her be!" Arthur yelled, pulling the drunk away while Gwen raced to the sobbing girl.

"Miss are you-" Gwen rolled the young woman over and gasped. It was Merlyn, bruised and crying. She pulled out the gag, realizing it was the maid's headscarf. "Oh, Merlyn."

"I couldn't... stop him." Merlyn cried, hugging the queen. "Couldn't use- use my m-magic!"

"Sh, it's not your fault." Guinevere whispered, rubbing small circles on her back. Arthur had finished with the man, tying him up.

"Is she okay?" Arthur asked, not realizing who it was.

"Arthur, it's Merlyn." His eyes widened. Arthur whipped around, punching the drunk across the face._ How could someone attack a girl? How could any piece of filth hurt, Merlyn?_

"How dare you?" Arthur shouted, punching him over and over.

"Arthur! She's passed out!" Arthur hit him once more before running over to the two women.

"We need to get her to Gaius." The King pulled off his cloak and draped it over her. In one fluid moment, Arthur had picked her up and raced towards the castle. _She barely weighed a thing! _

_"_Arthur?" Gwaine jumped backwards to avoid being knocked over. He saw Gwen running after the King, kicking off her difficult shoes. The roguish knight took off after them, grabbing the shoes as he went.

* * *

Gwaine burst through the physician's door to find Arthur hovering nervously as Gaius and Gwen worked.

"What happened?" Arthur looked over at him, shaking his head. "Arthur what's wrong? Who is that?"

"It's Merlyn. Some man in the lower town had pulled her into an alley and..." Arthur broke off as Merlyn cried out.

Gwaine walked over to her. She was naked, lying on table as Gaius wrapped her ribs.

"You have a cracked rib, child. It'll heal soon but I need to wrap it." Gaius said as Merlyn yelped.

"Did the guy, uh, you know?" Gwaine asked hesitantly. He did not want to hear about his almost little sister getting raped.

"No." Gaius answered. "But he came close. I am sure that if Arthur and Guinevere hadn't found her, the man would have."

"Why didn't she use her magic?"

"Most spells need incantations to be used and she was gagged. But Merlyn has a lot of raw magical power that it could be used without a spell. However, the man had slammed her against the stone many a time, so she was almost completely out of it. Merlyn was not able to think over the pain."

"Arthur." Gwaine hissed, his fury growing. "Where are the other knights?"

"They are at training, like you are supposed to be."

"Where did you find Merlyn?"

"Lower town, past the florists."

"Great." Gwaine clapped his hands together. "Me and the boys will take care of it, Merly." He leaned down and kissed Merlyn on the forehead. Then he all but ran out the door.

* * *

**This one was about how females have to worry about getting raped on a daily basis. I know males also get raped but for the story... **

**-Ash out**


	6. They're Sensitive, Y'know!

"Why are we here?" Merlyn whined, gesturing to the woods around them.

"The reason is the same as it was five minutes ago, _Mer_lyn. We are investigating a series of robberies in a nearby village." Arthur replied in his most regal voice.

"I know that, you clotpole. What I meant, is why the King of Camelot, his most trusted knights, and the best Court Sorcerer in the world- that reminds me. Why haven't you named me Court Sorcerer yet?" Arthur sighed. Merlyn obviously didn't want to go with them but Gaius thought it would be good for her to get out of Camelot for a while. She had avoided leaving the castle at all costs after the incident with the drunken man. Merlyn said that wasn't the cause but she would flinch with just the prospect of going into the courtyard for the last week.

"I still have to go over the laws against magic before I go naming anyone Court Sorcerer. We also need to let things blow over for a while." He said the last sentence with extreme care. Almost everyone in the castle had heard of what happened to Merlyn.

Merlyn stiffened. "Well, that still doesn't mean we all needed to come."

Percival looked up into the little sky they could see. 'Let's set up camp here. The sun is setting."

They all nodded in agreement and dismounted.

"Merlyn, go gather us some firewood." Arthur commanded, tugging out his bedroll.

"I'll go with her." Leon volunteered, dropping his bedroll and racing after her. All the knights had agreed to keep an eye on the maidservant.

* * *

"You know, Leon." Merlyn began as they gathered some wood. It was still a bit damp but she could fix that.

"Hm?" Leon hummed, glancing at her.

"You guys don't need to follow me around all the time. I'll be fine." Leon spluttered as she laughed.

"H-how did you find out?" He finally got out.

"Well, when Gwaine barged in on me while I was in the bath, it dawned on me."

"How would that make you think we were following you?"

"I realized it after the third time."

"Oh."

* * *

"Here's dinner." Merlyn announced, pouring soup into five bowls. The four men dived to the food like dogs.

"Danks, 'eryn." Gwaine praised trough a mouthful of vegetables.

Merlyn nodded. "I need to tell you guys something."

"What?" Arthur asked, distracted by the food.

"You four need to stop following me everywhere I go. I'm not going to die if I'm alone for two seconds." Merlyn rolled her eyes at their expressions.

"Who told you?"

"No one. Gwaine found me in the bath. Three times." Merlyn glared as the said knight laughed.

"Sorry 'bout that. You should lock the door."

"I did! You sliced off the handle with that bloody sword of yours!" The knights laughed and soon Merlyn joined them.

"This was great, Merlyn."

"Yeah, thanks." Arthur playfully threw a punch at her arm. She turned and he ended up hitting her chest.

"Ow!" Merlyn yelped, clutching her chest.

"I barely touched you!" Arthur defended, dodging a bowl.

"Yeah, well breasts are sensitive y'know!"

"They are?" Percival asked, sitting down.

"Yes, they are. They hurt all the time."

"Since when?"

"Since forever. All breasts are feel sore. You didn't know that?" The four knights shook their heads.

"No wonder you're all single." She laughed, picking up the discarded dishes.

"Oi! I am married!" Arthur said.

"Yeah, but you didn't know what a bleeding was until I told you last month!"

"HA!" Gwaine fell backwards, laughing his head off.

"MERLYN!"

* * *

**This one obviously about how breasts are usually sensitive or sore.**

**Any ideas you may have, tell me.**

**-Ash out**


	7. Oh, god

**Okay, for this one, I decided to add Freya into the mix. Except she is a boy. Named Frey. Frey was never cursed. Frey wasn't killed by Arthur. He was killed by bandits. You could say it's AU...**

**Oh, Arthur did name Merlyn Court Sorcerer by the time this chapter happened. **

**Thank you to everyone who added/favorite/reviewed this story. And to the people who just read it, shrugged, and moved on with life. **

**I wish I owned Merlin.**

* * *

"Where's Merlyn?" Guinevere asked right before the meeting started.

"She was feeling unwell. So, I sent her to Gaius." Arthur answered, adjusting his crown.

"What princess means to say, is that Merlyn did a spectacular jump off her horse, tripped over a rock, and emptied her guts on his shoes. Then, Arthur made her go to Gaius after she refused." Gwaine grinned, taking a swig from his flask. "We had to all but drag her there."

"Thank you, Gwaine. Now, the village on the north side of-" Arthur paused as the doors opened to show Merlyn. She rushed to her seat, apologizing.

"Sorry, Arthur." Merlyn was grinning broadly. "Go on."

"Are you okay, Merlyn?" Gwen asked, her brow creased with worry.

"I'm fine. Great, actually. I'll tell you after the meeting." Merlyn giggled, waving her off.

"No, no. Tell us what was so amazing that made you vomit all over my feet." Arthur pushed, laying the reports down.

"I don't think this is the best time to-"

"Tell us, Merly!" Gwaine scooted his chair forward, smiling like a child. The other knights either nodded or rolled their eyes at their fellow knight.

"Well, you know how I was seeing Frey a couple of weeks ago." She began, twisting her robes nervously.

"Yes." They answered in unison.

"And you know how we got really close."

"Yes."

"And that he died a month ago."

"Yes."

"During the time we were together, we, uh, well I mean, we-" Merlyn blushed, looking away.

"You and Frey slept together. And?" Percival said, unabashed.

"Yes, thank you Percival. Well, Gaius checked me over and-" Merlyn paused dramatically.

"Tell us!" Gwaine shouted, grabbing her arms.

"I'm pregnant!" Merlin exclaimed.

Gwen squealed, rushing over to her. "Oh, my goodness! How wonderful!" The women hugged, jumping up and down.

The other knights sat stunned in their chairs. _M-Merlyn? P-pregnant?_

"How far along are you?"

"Two months!"

"Eek!"

"Eek!"

* * *

A month later, Merlyn had began to show a bit of stomach.

"Look, Gwen! I can barely fit into this dress anymore. It was always a bit tight, anyway." Merlyn took a breath. "So, are you and Arthur going to have any children soon?"

"That's something I've meant to talk to you about." Gwen smiled, grabbing her hands. "I'm pregnant!"

"No!" Merlyn shrieked. "Since when?"

"Gaius checked me over this morning!" Gwen answered, hugging her friend.

"Have you told Arthur?"

"He was the first person I told."

"How did he react?"

* * *

"What's wrong, Arthur?" Leon questioned as the King stared into space.

"Hm?"

"I asked you what's wrong." Leon repeated as the Gwaine and Percival walked over.

"Guinevere's pregnant." He answered.

"Oh, god." Gwaine whispered, his eyes wide.

"What?"

"There are two, strong, determined, hormonal, pregnant women in the castle."

"One is the Queen of Camelot."

"And the other is the most powerful witch of all time."

"Oh, god."

* * *

**As you can see, I have run out of hardships women have to face so I jumped to pregnancy. If you have and ideas PLEASE tell me.**

**Oh, and tell me if you think I should make a fanfiction about the things men have to go through.**

**-Ash out**


	8. Please Go Get Me a Sandwich

Arthur was charging into battle, his golden hair dramatically swept to one side. He was slicing down enemies from his seat upon a magnificent horse. No man or woman dared to get in his way. His horse ferociously reared upwards, neighing in triumph.

"Arthur." The horse whispered, turning towards him.

"What?" Arthur yelped, staring at the horse.

"Wake up, Arthur."

"What the-?"

'Arthur!" The horse shouted.

"Ah!" Arthur jerked awake to find his wife shaking his arm. The room was almost completely dark, the moon being the light.

"Good you're awake." Gwen smiled. "I need you to get me something."

"Wha-?"

"Could you please go and get me a turkey sandwich from the kitchens? Oh, and put some gravy and some grapes if they have any, on it."

"Now?" Arthur asked, eyes wide.

"Yes, now." Gwen pushed him out of bed the best she could with her plump stomach. "The baby's hungry."

"Now?!"

* * *

That is why he was running through the castle, balancing a plate with his wife's odd sandwich. It had taken forever to make!

He stopped in front of their chambers, panting. Gwen hated it when he barged in so he quietly opened the door.

"Gwen?" Arthur walked towards the bed. "I got your sandwich."

"Why did you get me a sandwich?" Gwen questioned.

"You-you asked me to get you one!" Arthur defended, setting the sandwich down.

"Do you want me to get fat?"

"What?"

"You do! You want me to look like a boulder!"

"No, I don't! You told me to get you this sandwich!"

"So, now it's my fault?"

"WHAT?"

* * *

Leon awoke to the sound of knocking. He stumbled out of bed and opened the door. "Arthur?"

"Leon." Arthur handed him a sandwich.

"Why did you give me a... turkey sandwich with gravy and grapes?" Leon looked up at him like he had gone mad

"Can we trade wives?" Arthur begged, breathing heavily.

"I don't have a wife."

"Exactly."

* * *

**I hope you all like it! **

**-Ash out**


	9. You Are One Badass Lady

"Okay, the dishes are all washed." Merlyn announced, plopping down with a sigh. They were on a hunting trip, very close to Camelot. They had made sure they could get Merlyn to Gaius just in case something went wrong. Merlyn was eight months pregnant and she was, well, a bit big. They had tried to convince her to stay in Camelot, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. With Gwen on her side, the two women were unstoppable.

"She's not big, she's huge! Like a bear!" Gwaine had said, before Merlyn had set his hair on fire. She had been growing more and more fond of fire since she became pregnant.

"Are you okay, Merlyn." Percival asked. "You seem a bit tired."

"I'm fine." Merlyn replied, packing away the dishes. "The baby kept me up with it's kicking last night. I swear, this child has four feet instead of two!"

"Is it kicking now?" Leon asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah, do you want-" Loud, raucous screaming echoed around the camp. Bandits jumped into the small camp, their weapons raised.

"Leon! Protect Merlyn!" Arthur shouted, taking down two men. Leon yelled in agreement before stepping in front of the pregnant woman.

"I can help!" Merlyn protested, raising her hands.

"Gaius said not to use a lot of magic!" Leon yelled, slicing through men. Almost all the bandits had been defeated when one decided to go after Merlyn. He had realized they was desperately keeping them away from the woman.

"Drop your weapons!" He shouted, holding a knife to her throat. "Or the buxom(1) lady gets it!"

"Oh, no." Arthur cursed, the knights watching Merlyn with wide eyes.

"Buxom?" Merlyn shrieked, the man stumbling backwards with the force of her magic. "Did you just call me, buxom?"

The man mumbled, cowering in fear.

"DID YOU?"

"Y-y-yes."

"HOW DARE YOU? YOU DISGUSTING SWINE!"

"Go Merlyn." Gwaine quietly cheered as the pregnant woman scared the man senseless. She screamed one last time before a tree caught fire.

"Uh, Merlyn?"

"WHAT?" She shouted, turning away from the fleeing male.

"You set a t-tree on fire."

"It was a stupid tree." Merlyn reasoned, a smile slipping on her face.

"Merlyn," Gwaine began, walking towards her. "You are one badass lady."

"Thanks, Gwaine. Sorry I- oh!" Merlyn grasped her stomach, falling against Gwaine's chest.

"What's wrong?" The knights rushed towards them.

"It's time... it's time." Merlyn gasped out.

"Time for what?"

"The baby, you idiot!"

"Oh." Arthur said. "Oh!"

"What are we gonna do?" Leon exclaimed, helping support Merlyn.

"We don't know how to give birth!" Gwaine shouted, full-out panicking. "We can't have a baby here!"

"You aren't the one giving birth, dimwit!"

"Gaius knows how to deliver a baby!"

"How're we going to get back to the castle in time! We don't have any horses!"

"We'll carry her!"

"How? She's the heaviest-"

"OI!"

"Sorry, Merls."

"Here's what we'll do. Percival and I'll carry her round the shoulders, Gwaine you'll carry her feet, and Leon... support her butt."

"Her what?"

* * *

**(1) A buxom is supposed to be a word to describe an attractively fat woman with large breasts.**

**To be continued...**

**-Ash out**


	10. There's Another One!

"MOVE IT, PEOPLE!"

"WATCH OUT!"

"GET OUT OF THE BLOODY WAY!"

"AH!"

They were charging through Camelot, pushing and shoving people out-of-the-way. Gwaine and Arthur shouting at random people to move, Percival alternating between yelling and apologizing, and Leon just apologizing for his hands which were on Merlyn's lower back and bottom. Merlyn in the other hand, was screaming through her contractions.

"You there!" Arthur pointing to a stable boy. "Go tell the physician that the baby is coming!"

"The baby?"

"NOW!" The boy nodded taking the steps two at a time, the knights slowly following.

"Hang in there, Merls. We're almost there, you got that?" Gwaine muttered, rushing up the steps.

"Ah!"

"I'll take that as a yes?" They charged into Gaius' chambers. Gaius had two bags tucked under his arms headed out the door.

"Where are you going?" Arthur shouted.

"She can't give birth in here! Where would she lay? There's no room!"

"Then, where do we go?" The King was dumbfounded, shaking over the pregnant woman's weight.

"If you don't hurry up and choose, I'll have it right here!"

"Arthur's room!" Gwaine shouted, the other knights turning around. "Hurry mates!"

"My room?" Arthur squawked.

* * *

"Lay her down here. Gently!" Gaius commanded. "Now, get out!"

As the knights made their way towards the door, Gwen rushed in. "Gaius! The midwife's not coming!"

"What?"

"She's helping another woman in the lower town!" Guinevere grasped Merlyn's hand, wincing at the woman's grip.

Gaius cursed. "Do any of you have experience giving birth?"

All the men shook their heads. All except...

"I have." Gwaine offered.

"The rest of you, out! Okay Gwaine, you're the best we got."

Gwen looked up at him. "Have you really helped a birth before?"

"Well, it was a cow. But Merlyn's kind of the same-"

"I AM NOT A COW, GWAINE!"

"Gwaine!" Gaius gestured him over.

"What do you want me to do?" Gaius lifted Merlyn's dress up.

"I need you to catch the baby."

* * *

"They've been in there forever." Leon muttered as he sat next to Arthur's door. Percival had his head bowed, Arthur pacing. After ten more minutes of silence, they heard it. Crying.

"I did it!" They heard Gwaine shout in relief.

"Not yet! There's another one!"

"OH, GOD!" The men exchanged grins.

* * *

After another half hour, Percival, Leon, and Arthur were allowed in the room. Merlyn was lying in bed, holding one of the babies. Gwaine held the other.

"Twins?" Leon whispered, smiling.

"Yeah." Merlyn smiled, beaming up at them. "One boy, one girl."

"We couldn't have done it without Gwaine." Gwen gestured at the man.

"You did it, buddy." Percival congratulated, clasping a hand on the shorter man's shoulders.

"Yeah, I did." Gwaine said, before handing the baby to Percival. "Hold her for a second."

And with that, he collapsed in a dead faint.

* * *

**I hope you all liked it. I really love picking on Gwaine, don't I? Anyway, do you guys want:**

**-Moody Merlyn **

**-Gwen Giving Birth**

**-Moody Gwen**

**Or anything else you might think of! Oh, and what do you want the twins' names to be? Leave any suggestions in a review!**

**-Ash out.**


	11. I'm the Godfather!

**I want to say thanks to everyone who chose what they wanted in the next chapter. If I was being fair and tallied the votes, this chapter would be "Moody Merlyn/Gwen!' **

**But it's not. That chapter will be coming up soon but not at this moment. I was given an idea from **

**TheReadingValkyrie **

_I think you should have the Knights fight over who should be the godfather _**(I know it's not the whole thing...)**

**and I though it was brilliant so THANK YOU! And to all the people who reviewed what they wanted the twins names to be, I'm sorry but I don't think any of them will be their names. But for the person who said Gwaine, I died laughing. Sorry, but I though that was hilariously creative. And in honor of you "1captain obvious" it shall be mentioned in this chapter. *golf claps***

**Well, I'll stop rambling and get to the next chapter.**

* * *

**"**Man, Merlyn. You give birth to some really nice babies." Gwaine commented. "You should have them more often."

They, meaning Merlyn, Arthur, Percival, Leon, Gwaine, and Guinevere, were sitting in one of the guests chambers, three days after Merlyn gave birth. Her room in Gaius' chambers was too small for three people so Arthur gave this one to her.

"No, thank you Gwaine. Being carted through Camelot by you idiots once was enough times for me." Merlyn grinned.

"So, what're their names?" Leon asked. Merlyn opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted.

"Well, that one's, Gwaine-" The half drunk knight nodded at the babe in Merlyn's arms. "And this one is Ysabel."

"Why Ysabel?"

"That was the barmaid's name in the first tavern I went to." Gwaine grinned.

"I am not naming this baby after you, Gwaine. Nor am I naming the other one after you're first barmaid." Merlyn replied, rocking the boy gently.

"If you don't name him after me, I will have to be the Godfather." Gwaine smirked, taking the girl from Guinevere.

"No way are you the Godfather." Arthur exclaimed, lounging in a chair next to the bed, Guinevere perched on his lap.

"And you are?"

"I think I should be the Godfather."

"You can't be the Godfather, Perce. It's obviously-"

"Me!"

"Sorry, Leon. But I-"

"Can be the diaper-cleaner, Gwaine."

"I can't take your job, princess."

As the men argued, Gwen gave Merlyn a look. "I am their Godmother, right."

"I'm sorry, Gwen." Merlyn smiled. "I already named my other female friend who helped me give birth Godmother."

"Who, Gwaine?"

"Oi!" Gwaine protested. Everyone laughed at his expense. "I'm not a girl!"

"You're the one who fainted like one." Arthur pointed out.

"Well, I'd like to see-" Gwaine's voice faltered as the baby girl in his arms wrapped her tiny hand around his calloused thumb. Her big, sapphire eyes looked up at him and she gave him a toothless grin.

"Aw." The two women chorused.

Gwaine looked up at them. "I call her. I'm her favorite."

Merlyn sighed dramatically. "Fine, Gwaine. Since you helped her into this world, you can be her Godmother."

* * *

**I hoped you guys liked it. Please vote on the baby names below for your favorite. **

**-Theodore and Theodosia (Theo and Thea for short.)**

**-Zander and Zenith **

**-Frey and Fyra **

**-Ricker and Raven **

**So leave a review or PM me your choice and I'll tally up the points. **

**-Ash out**


	12. We Woke You Up Again, Didn't We?

**First off, thanks for all the favorites/alerts/reviews! Made me so happy! **

**And for the twins names, it seems like it shall be...**

**FREY AND FYRA! **

**Sorry, but I'm not going to take one name from two different options. But thanks anyway. **

**Anyway, have any of you heard about/seen the new show Shezow. I love it and find it hilarious! But some people *cough* DAD and *cough* ONE MILLION MOMS *cough, cough* are freakin' out about it. So, what is your opinion on the new show Shezow?**

* * *

Arthur slowly opened his eyes, groaning softly. He heard muffled wailing. Why did he agree to let Merlyn have the chambers _next _to his? And why did Gwen have to go visit her cousins, _now_? He threw back the covers, stepped into his shoes, and grumbled his way out the door.

* * *

Arthur stomped over to Merlyn's door and knocked, loudly. If anything, the wailing increased in volume.

"Oh, what is it!" An exasperated voice yelled from inside. The door opened by itself and Arthur walked into chaos.

Merlyn was desperately rocking a feeding baby to her chest while using magic to change the other's soiled diaper. Her eyes were flickering between blue and gold. In all honesty, she looked awful. Her dressed was soiled by spitup and drool, her hair in complete disarray, and she had large bags underneath her eyes.

"Hey, Merlyn." Arthur greeted hesitantly, walking closer to the witch.

"Is it morning already?" Merlyn asked before coming to a realization. "We woke you up again, didn't we?"

"No, I couldn't sleep anyway." He lied, previous anger completely gone. "Have you slept at all."

"Yes. No? I don't know?" Merlyn yawned, handing Arthur a whimpering Fyra. "I can't remember.

The tired witch put the snoring Frey into his crib before taking Fyra away from the King. She sang a few words in the Old Religion and the baby closed her eyes within minutes. Arthur smiled.

"Why isn't any of the nursemaids helping you?"

Merlyn smiled tiredly. "They're a tad bit wary of 'witches spawn' as one of the older ones put it. Besides, I can't stand them shrieking every time I try to clean a diaper by magic." She laid a sleeping Fyra down softly, sighing at the silence.

"Well, I-" Merlyn frantically hushed him. He hadn't realized how loud he was being. They both froze, praying neither of the twins would wake. Merlyn let out a breath of relief before Fyra let out a screech.

"GET OUT YOU BLOODY PRAT!" Merlyn roared, pushing him away with her magic. He yelped, skidding backwards.

"But-"

"OUT!" He flew out of the room and hit the corridor's wall. the door slammed shut and he sat there, stunned.

* * *

"Gwaine!" Arthur called, jogging towards said knight. Gwaine had just been leaving the tavern, after being rudely kicked out by the barmaid's husband. He turned, surprised to see the King of Camelot charging towards him in his bedclothes.

"What is it princess?"

"Could you get the other knights." He panted.

"By 'other knights' you mean Percy and Leon, right?"

"Of course that's what I mean!"

* * *

And that is why, the next day Merlyn was sprawled out on her bed, fast asleep, as the Arthur, Leon, Percival, and Gwaine took care of her twins.

**Okay, well that's it. Single moms probably have to go through raising kids on their own and with twins, it must be way worse. Sorry this chapter wasn't very humorous the next one will be!**

**And by the way, where do you guys stand on Gay Rights. I'm not trying to start a fight, I'm just really interested to know. If you've read my profile (I doubt many of you have) you know where I stand. **

**Leave any ideas in a review and... **

**-Ash out**


	13. The New Pendragon

**Well, I've ran out of ideas... so here's Gwen giving birth!**

**And I know most of you want me to write Moody!Merlyn or Moody!Gwen but I can't think of how to write that. **

* * *

"Oh, gods, oh gods, oh gods..." Arthur muttered as he tore through the castle's corridors. He had just gotten word from a very out of breath servant that Guinevere was giving birth. That is why, he was barreling past servants, not bothering to help them up. He skidded to a stop in front of his door where his most trusted knights were sitting, two of which were holding Frey and Fyra.

"Is she okay?" He panted, placing his hands on his knees.

"Yeah. Merlyn and Gaius are in there with her. The midwife made sure to be here this time." Leon assured him, fiddling with his sword.

"Yeah and she was being a real pain." Gwaine muttered, rocking the tiny girl in his arms.

"The midwife?"

"Merlyn."

As it turns out, Gwen had been sitting in Arthur's chambers with Merlyn. Merlyn had placed a blanket and a couple of pillows on the floor so the twins could lay there, peacefully. They had been talking about what the gender of Gwen's unborn child would be and what to name him/her when Gwen cried out. Merlyn had yelled for a guard to get Gaius and ordered the other to help the Queen onto the bed. Gaius and the midwife burst into the room, Leon, Percival, and Gwaine right behind them. Merlyn had scooped up her two children, placed them in the knight's arms, and all but shoved them out. Gwaine had protested he could help but her eyes blazed and the door slammed shut.

"She wasn't being a pain." Perival chided. Frey looked miniscule in the large Knight's arms, cooing softly. "Merlyn just didn't want you to faint.

Gwaine opened his mouth to answer when the doors opened. Arthur jumped to his feet, expecting news of his child but instead Merlyn stumbled through the door. She caught herself before falling and the door slammed shut behind her.

"That complete arse!" Merlyn half-shouted, stamping her foot.

"What's wrong?" Arthur asked, trying not to worry.

"She kicked me out!"

"Gwen kicked you out?"

"No, the midwife! She said I was going to mess up the queen's birth!" Merlyn plopped down beside them, taking Fyra into her arms.

Gwaine laughed. "What did you do to make her think that?"

"Nothing!" Merlyn protested. "I just offered to use a bit of magic to take some of the pain away."

"I guess she didn't like that."

"Guess not." Merlyn replied. "But that's all I could do, besides holding her hand. And now, all we can do is wait."

* * *

"Arthur stop pacing, you're making a trench."

"Merlyn, your hair is in my face."

"She won't bite! C'mon Leon, just hold Frey for a second!"

"Move your legs, Perce."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE MY BABY _MEAD_, GWAINE?"

"She's thirsty!"

"YOU DO NOT GIVE A BABY-" Merlyn's yell was cut off by the door finally opening. Gaius stepped out, a smile on his face. The three knights ran in, well Gwaine kind of jogged fearing Merlyn's wrath if he ran while holding Fyra. Arthur stood up nervously. Merlyn turned towards him.

"Gwen's waiting, Arthur."

"I know, I'm just..."

"Scared?"

"A bit."

"Come one, there's nothing-"

"What if it doesn't like me?"

"How could you say that?"

"I don't know how to be a father! I mean, my dad wasn't the best of dads and I don't have any experience with kids and..."

"You do so have experience with kids!" Merlyn stepped in front of him. "You have been helping me with Frey and Fyra for the last three months. You're just being paranoid. Your kid will love you!"

"How do you know?"

"I don't. But you won't either unless you get in there and find out." Merlyn smiled and nudged him with her hip. "Now, come on!"

Arthur trailed in behind her, a smile dancing on his lips.

* * *

**THE END!**

**Yes, my readers, this is the end of the FanFiction. I hope you all liked reading this and I loved writing it!**

**If any of you want me to write a spinoff, maybe about the next generation running around Camelot then tell me! I'm considering it at the moment... **

**-Ash out**


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